i don't expect you to comb out the tangles of my life. i never did, but i know you tried.

my hair sure is straight but my life's hair ain't. it's frizzy and kinky and has a mind of its own. no amount of coco stuff could give it that balik-ayos shine they promise you on TV. y'know those commercials that show you the interesting "life" of your shampoo's molecules-in-the-form-of-see-through-beads as it tries to coat your hair with pheromones to make that snooty guy fall for you, or well, at least give you a second look. (that's CG by the way AND it does not work that way, or else all people would have lovely hair.)

anway. maybe i've been listening to too much ani difranco... but two songs kept looping in my head... especially this part of both hands:

oh, no don't close your eyes
I am writing graffitti on your body
I am drawing the story of how hard we tried
I am watching your chest rise and fall like the tides of my life,
and the rest of it all
and your bones have been my bedframe
and your flesh has been my pillow

I am waiting for sleep
to offer up the deep
with both hands

in eachother's shadows we grew less and less tall
and eventually our theories couldn't explain it all
and I'm recording our history now on the bedroom wall
and when we leave the landlord will come
and paint over it all

and this part of falling is like this:

Feels like reckless driving when we're talking
It's fun while it lasts, and it's faster than walking
But no one's going to sympathize when we crash
They'll say "you hit what you head for, you get what you ask"
and we'll say we didn't know, we didn't even try
one minute there was road beneath us, the next just sky

I'm sorry I can't help you, I cannot keep you safe
I'm sorry I can't help myself, so don't look at me that way
we can't fight gravity on a planet that insists
that love is like falling
and falling is like this.

and no, i'm not gonna sing Untouchable Face on my guitar just YET.

3am, i thought of how good it was to be in your strong arms.
i've always thought you'd keep me safe... safe from what? i didn't bother to ask.

3am, i still cannot sleep because you are there and i am here and daylight's about to come... and i wonder if i wandered in your dreams. it's a foolish thought but it crossed my mind.

3am, in this part of the world, people are asleep. the rhythmic breathing drowned the whimpers of this beaten soul.

3am, i realized i've fallen a lot haha, i might as well stay on the ground.

3am, do you remember how this used to be the "name" of the hour that brought us together? it is the hour that is in between us right now.

3am, it gives way to another hour, second by second... and i'm giving way too...

and i watched daylight filtering in to my room and thought of that hour.

i look at your name in my phone's contacts.

i composed a greeting.

discarded it.

put the phone back on my table.

i'm going back to work.

must...

get...

back...

to...

work.