Binary Thoughts

Busy 2008 and Rules Schmules

2008-05-07T12:15:02Z

I haven't uploaded anything from our events and my other photo gigs...

I say the generic reason is: I'm very busy; I barely sleep on normal hours.

...and I recently cleaned up my computers so any photos I took since February are stashed away in DVDs. I also didn't take any bookings from March till May because I THOUGHT I'd have my OJT. Sad to say, I was NOT able to and I'm gonna rant about that if I could but I won't or else my graduation would be at stake. So I'm back taking photos officially this month.

There is so much to rant about rules and putting people in boxes... Anyway, enough about that.

BUT I'll rant about that when in the future when I get bored and multiply's the only site I can abuse. Haha. *devious grin*

silverlinings

2008-05-01T17:08:20Z

take a bullet.

stare at the gray clouds in the sky as you hit the ground.

as the darkness closes in, remember the silverlining that looked lovely--and would have been lovelier had you decided to stay awake.

the wall

2008-04-30T10:27:45Z

there's a blue smudge on the white wall.

that was oil-based paint... i used on a painting a long time ago.

i accidentally smeared my paint-licked fingers on the wall when you called me from outside and i was trying to regain my balance over the mess on the floor.

strange, but i used to think that the smudge becomes the wall.

now, i think it's ugly.

maybe i should hang a painting over it.

that way, the wall won't be too bare.

you are ugly. and i never saw it, until yesterday.

--
another one of my metaphor series.

paintbrush

2008-04-27T10:29:33Z

dip.

twirl.

tap.

smack...

smear...

smudge...

glaze...

glaze...

finally...

breathe.

Ako ay isang Devcom Student

2008-04-25T13:11:56Z

... and for some unknown reason, I feel like declaring it today.

I'm proud of being one.

Rain

2008-04-23T09:46:11Z

I love the smell of rain.

The smell of rain is the smell of old and new entwined.

It means that things will be growing soon, or washed away.

That is why I always have an umbrella with me--so that when the rainclouds decide to surprise us with a downpour, it won't be unpleasant. It would be a treat instead.:-)

Photo from: http://www.i-esfera.com/fotos/rain.jpg

For Sale: Inspiration

2008-04-20T16:13:59Z

What makes an artist great?

It is his/her ability to stay as a well of ideas because passion keeps him/her alive. Paint and canvas can be bought, but inspiration can't.

Once an artist goes commercial, the well gets untended then later on abandoned.

Which is why some "artists" remain, at the end of the day, remains uninspired--even if they already have reached some height that for them meant "greatness."

To the real artist, it's not greatness, it's just a 5 cent pass to get yourself dressed up in a robe and have yourself photographed on a pedestal. After that, you're done, and the man next in line moves on as the gatekeeper of the studio says "NEXT!"

Visual Metaphor

2008-04-18T16:52:37Z

Liquid... Surreal...

... but nonetheless it exists.

In this palette where the colors bleed and melt with one another, I wonder...

No...

You and I can't be real.

But wait, paint me that picture again. Please...

trophy girlfriend

2008-04-17T13:21:15Z

i am but a dust-gathering golden statue on the bookcase of your life.

i am the prize you wanted for so long because nobody else has.

the chase was exhilirating but i definitely slowed down and you caught up.

until you won.

the first days of victory, you just stared at stared at me. took me off the shelf and polished me once in a while, then stared at me again. you could not believe you've won.

then you're now off to your next conquest. and now i gather dust.

you've always thought you've won me.

but while you bask in the golden light of victory, with your confident grin that won me over, you did not know that you are also a golden statue on the bookcase of my life.

one of them dust-gathering golden statues.

it is a stalemate.

because after all, nobody wins a game that is about breaking hearts and running off with some of its pieces.

and the person who's left behind has nothing to do but look at what's left of something that shall never be fully whole again.

--
disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. lisod na... hahaha. maybe i've read too much joyce carol oates and listened to a lot of fiona apple mp3s, thus the piece.

I effing HATE people who borrow without telling

2008-04-16T11:28:57Z

That's STEALING.

Yes, I mean YOU.

a million kisses on your skin

2008-04-14T13:41:04Z

i watched that meg ryan movie where she mentioned something about a million kisses on your skin.

and i wondered what that feels like, i dunno haha... but i'm sure how one would react.

there are two possible reactions:
a. ew - if a million slobbery kisses
b. ooh - if a million soft butterfly kisses.

watcha think?

Filler of the void

2008-04-13T05:44:34Z

Presence is something that thwarts the existence of a void.

Your presence is a self sacrifice.

You offer to fill in the void—an emptiness to another person that he or she may or may not know of.

When a person asks or expects you to be there, do not take that need for your presence for granted.

Your presence might be the thread that keeps his/her sanity in tact.

the sun is the baker and i am in the oven (part 2)

2008-04-09T11:04:29Z

the sun seriously is roasting my brain--i can smell it (figuratively that is).

and i don't know 'till when i can hold out on the pressure...

i am under pressure.

it's okay. i'm grace under pressure. (this is my mantra)

seriously...

2008-04-09T07:34:42Z

how long will it take you to give in?

the summer sun is scorching its way through everything, including the space in between us.

might as well take off your clothes and enjoy the heat--or burn to death. haha.

3am

2008-04-04T12:50:06Z

3am, i thought of how good it was to be in your strong arms.
i've always thought you'd keep me safe... safe from what? i didn't bother to ask.

3am, i still cannot sleep because you are there and i am here and daylight's about to come... and i wonder if i wandered in your dreams. it's a foolish thought but it crossed my mind.

3am, in this part of the world, people are asleep. the rhythmic breathing drowned the whimpers of this beaten soul.

3am, i realized i've fallen a lot haha, i might as well stay on the ground.

3am, do you remember how this used to be the "name" of the hour that brought us together? it is the hour that is in between us right now.

3am, it gives way to another hour, second by second... and i'm giving way too...

and i watched daylight filtering in to my room and thought of that hour.

i look at your name in my phone's contacts.

i composed a greeting.

discarded it.

put the phone back on my table.

i'm going back to work.

must...

get...

back...

to...

work.

shampoo then comb my life back into shape please

2008-04-04T10:12:06Z

i don't expect you to comb out the tangles of my life. i never did, but i know you tried.

my hair sure is straight but my life's hair ain't. it's frizzy and kinky and has a mind of its own. no amount of coco stuff could give it that balik-ayos shine they promise you on TV. y'know those commercials that show you the interesting "life" of your shampoo's molecules-in-the-form-of-see-through-beads as it tries to coat your hair with pheromones to make that snooty guy fall for you, or well, at least give you a second look. (that's CG by the way AND it does not work that way, or else all people would have lovely hair.)

anway. maybe i've been listening to too much ani difranco... but two songs kept looping in my head... especially this part of both hands:

oh, no don't close your eyes
I am writing graffitti on your body
I am drawing the story of how hard we tried
I am watching your chest rise and fall like the tides of my life,
and the rest of it all
and your bones have been my bedframe
and your flesh has been my pillow

I am waiting for sleep
to offer up the deep
with both hands

in eachother's shadows we grew less and less tall
and eventually our theories couldn't explain it all
and I'm recording our history now on the bedroom wall
and when we leave the landlord will come
and paint over it all

and this part of falling is like this:

Feels like reckless driving when we're talking
It's fun while it lasts, and it's faster than walking
But no one's going to sympathize when we crash
They'll say "you hit what you head for, you get what you ask"
and we'll say we didn't know, we didn't even try
one minute there was road beneath us, the next just sky

I'm sorry I can't help you, I cannot keep you safe
I'm sorry I can't help myself, so don't look at me that way
we can't fight gravity on a planet that insists
that love is like falling
and falling is like this.

and no, i'm not gonna sing Untouchable Face on my guitar just YET.

reality bites

2008-04-03T15:02:32Z

... and one has nothing to do but bite back. :-D

growing up is no fun

2008-03-31T07:42:28Z

growing up is scary.

this is why:

i’d be leaving this little freedom I’m holding on to behind—the freedom to ask for funds from my parents.

i could get a cubicle job and grow cellulites on my thighs in my spare time.

i’d listen to the idle chatter of the envious as they eye that other person from the other department. they know they shall never be as interesting as that person, and they’d think that talking about flaws could make up for what they lack.

i’d swallow being beaten to a pulp by the merciless ticking of the 8-to-5 clock.

i’d learn to wear slippers under my table and have my heels beside me. the slippers would bear hotel insignias—those that hotel guests tuck in their bags along with the cute shampoo bottles and toothpastes during their company convention in some place like Tagaytay or Davao.

i’d wear ugly stockings—one that makes you think of department stores and overpriced shoes.

i’d put on red lipstick on a bright summer day and scratch my powdered nose.

i’d look at my pay slip, at the big portion TAX is going to eat up on my salary and watch it materialize again as part of the check that paid for the liposuction of a politician’s wife.

i'd watch my heart get crushed, beaten to a pulp, shredded over and over again--then one would wonder how many hearts managed to fit in my small body.

i'd cry over worthless stuff that i'd laugh at one day when i'd look back.

i'd be leaving friends behind to be with strangers just so i'd experience the "real world."

i'd find out that john mayer was right and that there's no such thing as "the real world."

i could go on listing so many things as to why kids should not be in a hurry to put on lipgloss and heels, or learn to cuss just to sound cool and grownup (wooo reblious... doh.).

if growing up would be like that, it is no fun.

and I wondered why I was in such in a hurry to grow up a long time ago.

Tug the corner of my lips

2008-03-26T04:03:26Z

we could go on forever talking about the most mundane things on earth and feel like philosophers figuring out life, thinking we own the idea although we know that long ago, in some browned book leaf, someone owned it already. what the heck, we're just having fun under the starry-and-cloudy night skies and the unforgiving sleeping wind--it only managed to give us a snort of air the whole evening as it continued sleeping.

i was with some of my top 5 favorite people in the world, and i'm sure gonna miss them a lot. people are leaving the city one by one, and one day, my time will come to pack my bags as well. why are goodbyes painfully sweet? anyway, forget that thought.

i experienced walking for kilometers last midnight because there were no more jeepneys around and didn't feel tired... it's one of those good memories you like playing over and over in your head. or maybe it's just the fact that i was with my favorite people and the sheer joy lingered even when i slept.

(Photo from Plhong's cam, L-R: Plhong, Janni (at the back), Me in black, Kat, Arthur, Pancho, Trazo, and Trazo's wife. )

The Spotlight and My Love Letter

2008-03-21T16:10:06Z

A solo spotlight illuminated his face…

He was seated on a wooden stool.

All eyes were on him.

His eyes looked straight at me from afar as his lips parted and mouthed the words from the letter I wrote him, loud and clear.

Word by word, syllable by syllable, the paper he held and read, mirrored my soul. Stripping me down…

My love letter--read out loud to a nameless audience.

The crowd bustled. Some cheered… Some jeered… Some sat indifferent… Some absorbed my anguish as his voice poured out my tears and pieces of my heart.

The solo spotlight swung at me.

I was seated at the topmost seat, away from the crowd.

All eyes were on me.

I look back at them, and they knew I wrote it. I looked down. I was naked.

The crowd bustled. Some cheered… Some jeered… Some sat indifferent… Some empathized with the embarrassment of having nothing to cover myself but the plea in my eyes to be loved back.

That was how it was, when I told you how I felt, even if I know that far away, at the other side of the world, you are holding her hand.

Birthmonth==Sexiness-o-meter? Hahaha

2008-02-28T16:41:30Z

NOVEMBER

GORGEOUS -Loyal and generous. -Patriotic. -Competitive in everything. -Active in games and interactions. -Impatient and hasty. -Ambitious. -Influential in organizations. -Fun to be with. -Easy to talk to, though hard to understand. -Thinks far with vision, yet complicated to know. -Easily influenced by kindness. -Polite and soft-spoken. -Having lots of ideas. -Sensitive. -Active mind. -Hesitating, tends to delay. -Choosy and always wants the best. -repost this in 5 mins & you will find true love at 11:00 a.m. ..

----

JANUARY:

SLUT -Fun to be with. -Loves to try new things. -Boy/girls LOVE you. -You are very hott. -Secretive. -Difficult to fathom and to be understood. -Quiet unless excited or tensed. - Takes pride in oneself. -Easily consoled. -Honest. -Concerned about people's feelings. -Tactful. -Friendly. -Approachable. -Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. -Moody and easily hurt. -Witty and sparkly. -Spazzy at times. -Not revengeful. -Forgiving but never forgets. -Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. -Loves to be loved. -Easily hurt but takes long to recover. -Repost this in the next 5 mins and your reputation will boost someway in the next 12 days

FEBRUARY

ATTITUDE -Abstract thoughts. -Outgoing. -Loves reality and abstract. -Intelligent and clever. -Changing personality. -Attractive. -Fun to be around. -Sexiest out of everyone. -A real speed demon. -Has more than one best friend. -Able to cheer anyone up and make them laugh. -Amazing smile. -An awesome kisser. -Temperamental. -Honest. -Repost this in 5 mins and you will become stable with your money in a month

MARCH

FLIRTATIOUS -You've got the best personality and are an absolute pleasure to be around. -You love to make new friends and be outgoing. -You are a great flirt. -It is also more than likely that you have a massive record collection. -When it comes to films, you know how to pick them and may one day become a famous actor/actress yourself - heck, you've got the looks for it!!! -IN the next 6 days you will meet someone that may possibly become one of your closest friends, if you repost this in 5 minutes.

APRIL

PIMP -APRIL means that your really good looking. -Stubborn and hard-hearted. -Strong-willed and highly motivated. -Sharp thoughts. -Easily angered. -Attracts others and loves attention. -Deep feelings. -Beautiful physically and mentally. -Firm Standpoint. -Needs no motivation. -Shy towards opposite sex. -Easily consoled. -Systematic (left brain). -Loves to dream. -Strong clairvoyance. -Understanding. -Everyone loves to be around you. -You always attract attention. -You are definitely the sexiest and good looking of them all. -You know how to get what you want. -Sickness usually in the ear and neck. -Good imagination. -Good physical. -Weak breathing. -Loves literature and the arts. -Loves traveling. -Dislike being at home. -Restless. -Having many chldren. -Hardworking. -High spirited. -if you repost this in the next 5 minutes, you will become close to someone you do not speak too much in the next 4 days.

MAY

SEXY -Suave and compromising. -Funny and humorous. -Stubborn. -Very talkative. -Calm and cool. -Kind and sympathetic. -Concerned and detailed. -Loyal. -Does work well with others. -Very confident. -An awesome kisser. -Sensitive. -A very good/awesome girlfriend/boyfriend. -Amazing Smile. -Positive Attitude. -Thinking generous. -Good memory. -Clever and knowledgeable. -Loves to look for information. -Able to cheer everyone up and/or make them laugh. -Able to motivate oneself and others. -Understanding. -Fun to be around. -Outgoing. -Hyper. -Has All The Characteristics of John Carrico -Bubbly personality. -Seductive. -Boy/girl crazy. -Loves sports, music, leisure and traveling. -Super sexy. -Extremely hot but has brains. -If you -repost this in 5 mins, a cutie that's caught your eye will introduce himself/herself and you will realize that you are very much alike in the next 2 days.

JUNE

HOTTIE -Loves to chat. -Loves those who love them. -Loves to takes things at the center. -Inner and physical beauty. -Lies but doesn't pretend. -Gets angry often. -Treats friends importantly. -Brave and fearless. -Always making friends. -Very easily hurt but recovers easily. -Daydreamer. -Opinionated. -Does not care to control emotions. -Unpredictable. -Understanding. -Fun to be around. -Nympho-and an awesome lover too -Outgoing. -Hyper. -Bubbly personality. -Secretive. -Boy/girl crazy. -Loves sports, music, leisure and traveling. -Systematic. -Hot but has brains. -If you repost this in 5 mins, a cutie that's caught your eye will introduce himself/herself and you will realize that you are very much alike in the next 2 days.

JULY

PORNSTAR -outgoing personality. -takes risks. -feeds on attention. -no self control. -kind hearted. -self confident. -loud and boisterous. -VERY revengeful. -easy to get along with and talk to. -has an "everything's peachy" attitude. -likes talking and singing. -loves music. -daydreamer. -easily distracted. -Hates not being trusted. -BIG imagination. -loves to be loved. -hates studying. -in need of "that someone". -longs for freedom. -rebellious when withheld or restricted. -lives by "no pain no gain" caring. -always a suspect. -playful. -mysterious. -"charming" or "beautiful" to everyone. -stubborn. -curious. -independent. -strong willed. -a fighter. -repost in 5 mins and you will meet the love of your life sometime next month.

AUGUST

THUG -You a strait up "Gangsta" -Attractive personality. -Very! sexy. -Affectionate & Secretive. -Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. -Chatterbox! Loves to talk a lot! -Loves to get their way! -Unbelievable kisser! -Easily angered. -Able to cheer anyone up and make them laugh. -Very stubborn in the most way possible! -Loves to get noticed! -Willing to take risks for others. -Makes good choices. -Has a great fashion sense! -Maybe a little too popular with others * wink wink*. -Outgoing and crazy at times! -Intelligent. -Can love as much as possible! -Hates insults. Loves compliments! -A very big flirt! Trustworthy. -Appreciative and returns kindness. -The best in bed out of ANY of these months!! -Hardly shows emotions. -Tends to bottle up feelings. -Observant and assesses others.

SEPTEMBER

FREAK IN BED -Loves to chat. -Loves those who love them. -Loves to takes things at the center. -Great in bed. -Inner and physical beauty. -Doesn't pretend. -Gets angry often. -A meaningful love life partner. -Treats friends importantly. -Brave and fearless. -Always making friends. -It is all about love and fairness. -Easily hurt but recovers easily. -Daydreamer. -Horny but does fulfill. -Opinionated. -Does not care to control emotions. -Knows what to do to have fun. -Unpredictable. -Someone to have close to you. -Extremely smart, but definitely the hottest AND sexiest of them all. -repost in 5mins and find true romance in 3 days

OCTOBER

PERFECT -Trustworthy and loyal. -Very passionate and dangerous. -Wild at times. -Knows how to have fun. -Sexy and mysterious. -Everyone is drawn towards your inner and outer beauty and independent personality. -Playful, but secretive. -Very emotional and temperamental sometimes. -Meets new people easily and very social in a group. -Fearless and independent. -Can hold their own -Stands out in a crowd. -Essentially very smart. -If you ever begin a relationship with someone from this month, hold on to them because their one of a kind. -repost in 5 mins & you will excel in a major event coming up sometime this month.

NOVEMBER

LOVER -Active and dynamic. -Decisive and haste but tends to regret. -Attractive and affectionate to oneself. -Strong mentality. -Loves attention. -Diplomatic. -Consoling, friendly and solves people's problems. -Brave and fearless. -Adventurous. -Loving and caring. -Athletic. -Suave and generous. -Usually you have many friends. -Emotional. -Stubborn. -Hasty. -Good memory. -Moving, motivates oneself and others. -Loves to travel and explore. -Sometimes sexy in a way that only their lover can understand.-if you do not repost this in the next 5 mins., someone very close to you will become mad at you in the next 8 DAYS

i am an addict

2008-02-21T13:37:54Z

i am a stress tabs addict. i don't know if it really works but i can't seem to function if i can't take it. it must be psychological.

i sleep at most 2 hours a day now. everyone is busy i guess, but i am just up to the neck with everything.

i don't know till when i can hold all of this any longer.

is there such thing as self-termination? like you could just rot away and die?

i think i must have a day off. haven't had one in days.

black umbrella

2008-02-11T13:36:53Z

he hurriedly unfurled his black umbrella as the rain delightfully danced on our skins and he hurried behind me, trying to catch up. no, i wasn't evading his nearness--i felt i liked the pseudo-chase.

that was the first. he had his umbrella with him.

there has always been an umbrella.

the time he forgot his umbrella, i got a fever. well, that was after a night of beer and laughter... and rain.

rain... there was always rain. it didn't bother us a bit.

the rain didn't stop us either as we huffed and puffed our way up that trail that leads to a wide clearing so near the sky--for a moment, you'd think you've reached the top of the earth... well, maybe because i was with somebody who'd look at me inside out and not be bothered about my flaws. i once asked him "now that you've seen my ugliness and flaw, do you hate me now?" and he said "no, not at all." that kept my sanity intact.

it was raining when i learned he's not mine to keep. i had no umbrella, and someone else was with me. my face was wet when i hailed a taxi--i didn't know if those were tears on my face, or just the rain.

again, he hurriedly unfurled his black umbrella as the rain delightfully danced on our skins and he hurried behind me, trying to catch up.we were on our way back from the clearing. this time, his umbrella was bound for retirement... maybe so am i... but he just felt like home--no matter how many beautiful places you've gone to, you'd still find your way back there.

it was under the umbrella where he embraced me. i didn't stay long in his arms. we were in the middle of the road. not that i minded, it's just that i couldn't bear his nearness knowing he is not mine . besides, there were cars who'd love to hit us like a bowling ball on a pair of immobile bowling pins--we were int he middle of the road after all and it was night and the headlights were dancing about.

some moments are borrowed... and his umbrella is beyond repair, or so he says. i thought to myself "me too,i'm beyond repair."

i don't really mind getting lost in the rain--i have my own black umbrella. it just would've been warmer to have someone beside me.

--
disclaimer: this blog is not to be taken literally.

the shower

2008-02-05T03:25:59Z

naked feet padded their way on the moist tiled floor. an occasional strand of stray hair tangles with the pinky toe, but remained ignored.

hanging the towel at the hook on the wall, i peered at the face that looked back at me on the wall mirror. gawd, you look awful, i thought.

shedding off the last pieces of clothing, manipulating the dials of the temperature of the shower, snatches of conversations with people flashed in and out of my head.

turning the knob, i felt the first few drops of lukewarm water jolt me from the remnants of sleep. then the warmth of the water covered me, and was my first source of comfort today.

mechanical rituals of lathering, then i thought of the day ahead. is there much to look forward to? gee, i dunno. when was the last time i hummed a tune just to get the task of showering done and be out there to meet the day? i didnt bother to answer... the question left my mind as the water rinsed out the last traces of shampoo from my hair.

i watched the white swirls dancing by my feet, then i noticed the tangled strand of hair, trying to move with the water but can't because it somehow was stuck at my pinky toe. i poured water on my feet and watch the strand move with the water, slowly, gracefully with the foamy swirls...

a piece of me has just went down the drain.

I walk alone

2008-02-04T10:01:04Z

i've always insisted that i am the psychic and you are the lowly mortal. it appears i'm not and you've known all along... and you are a demi-god, and you never told me? hah.

when was the last time you've thought of me? i've so much wanted to know but am afraid to ask because i might not be able to bear the truth. i have always been "the pillar of strength" to those who know me--what would happen if i crumble right before your eyes?

i've walked alone for quite a long time already, and many have asked to walk me home--i preferred to be alone.

i say, i will never admit to your face that you are the patch of light in the darkness that i walk in. no. not in a million years. nor will i admit that the sound of my message alert tone makes me hold my breath and wish that you're the one who's there to "bother" me.

you taught me of the importance of waiting and being rational. what if the wait is in vain? still i wait.

i hate waiting. no, i abhor waiting.

tell me, are you worth the wait? or should i pick myself up and move on?

if i am psychic, i would know what to do right now... or where you are. are you having fun? do you think of me? or are you too busy again?

i sound pathetic. but even those who jeer at me for thinking this way could not honestly say they haven't asked that question too, so screw them, i'm asking it anyway.

i don't need superhero attempts. i just need a sign... a sign that you are worth the wait. or else, i'm gonna pack my things and go.

please don't make me wait too long.

here, i wait...

...but till then, i walk alone.